Give up something trivial and stick it up your ass.

As I contemplate my thoughts on different music albums (mainly Ihsahn - After and Borknagar - Universal), another subject comes to mind...something that plays an imperative part in most of our lives, whether we are followers, observers, or downright oblivious to the matter. As ridiculous as it sounds to even an atheist, religion is advertised everywhere, on billboards, pamphlets dropped into your mailbox, printed on the back of a dollar bill, and on lame bumper stickers placed next to “My child is an Honor Student,” and even they cannot deny that they have nothing to do with it. Religion acts like that oddly pale little boy with crooked glasses constantly following you on the playground with his creepy, beady eyes fixated on every movement you make. Yet, religion is also the big bully on the block who willingly takes your lunch money away and screams “O’Doyle rules!” for no reason whatsoever. Well, except he’s actually not screaming something so childish. Rather, he screams something more foolish like, “Give me 20 Hail Mary prayers and your sins will be forgiven.” Sacrament of Penance aside, there is one thing I’ve been pondering as of late, since Ash Wednesday passed, and that is the tradition of Lent.

In Christianity, Lent is a tradition described as the forty day period between Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday where people participate in a fasting episode, some cultures being more intense than others regarding the foods that are available to eat. Lent represents the period Jesus Christ had in the desert where he endured temptations from Satan. In other words, Jesus spent time in a desert before his public ministry, saw some things he totally wanted to get his hands on, said hello to Satan, and left because his dad would’ve gotten mad...or he would’ve gotten mad…or his dad because they’re apparently the same dude…of course, this is what is in the Bible (New Testament) and we should all know that the Bible is ALWAYS RIGHT. Sarcasms aside, I question how this story dictates our participation in such an outrageous tradition. Since Jesus Christ voluntarily spent time in the desert where he endured temptations, and probably did not eat very much at all, we must give up something as trivial as meat to show that we know how he feels! Absolute bullshit. The idea of giving something up because the church tells you to is NOT what Jesus Christ himself is telling you to do. Please, Jesus may have been one who mostly protested against the rich, but I doubt he would be the type of person who would force someone not to eat meat because it’s a divine service to the lord.

Speaking of trivial matters, modern day Lent can be described as a ridiculous joke to human society. When Lent comes around, random people come by to ask me what I’m giving up. As one who questions these traditions, I always ask them what they are giving up, usually resulting in a reply I certainly chuckle at. Candy, soda, rice, meat, gum, coffee, etc etc. These are the answers I’ve been given repeatedly, showing off that they are doing god a service in one way or another. These people actually believe that smearing a cross with unknown ashes on their head, not eating meat on Ash Wednesday, and giving petty necessities up dictates our morality and how god sees us. In other words, if these things are not done accordingly, we are not a good enough people to be considered decent. Sounds about right? Certainly better than holding on to our simple pleasures in life.

But if you take away the idea of fasting, or in modern day, giving up something (chuckles), the purpose of Lent is the preparation of believers in Christianity or Catholicism, in the course of prayers, penance (the repentance of sin), almsgiving (giving to another as an act of virtue), and asceticism (“spiritual” self-denial with the sole purpose of acquiring virtue). Here lies the problem with the tradition of Lent, as seen in present day. If there truly is a god, he probably is extremely jealous, and morbidly humorous. The church has enough power that their followers would participate in these absurd traditions so willingly, and they actually believe that praying and repenting for their sins by being marked with the cross on their foreheads and fasting would have god embrace them. No, you fools. The church is not god, let alone a representative of god. Hell, there are a lot of churches, priests, ministers, and reverends who have twisted the “word of god” for their own needs (I’m looking at you, Jeremiah Cummings and Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda). And almsgiving, oh almsgiving…this and asceticism are probably where the idea of giving up something comes from. Yet, almsgiving is a so-called “virtuous” act where one voluntarily gives to the poor like a charity. How in the bloody hell does giving up something so material without actually giving to others deem one a good person? That is what’s so ridiculous about modern day lent practices.

“What are you going to give up?”

“ Oh, candy?”

“You going to give it to the poor?”

“No?”

“Then what’s the point?”

Ah, so you are doing your duty as a Christian by putting money in the basket. That is common decency indeed. Bet you don’t know where that money goes to…certainly doesn’t go to all of the starving children in Africa. They’re fine over there, it’s only poverty and aids. The pope says they shouldn’t use condoms. Let’s listen to him because he surely is a Catholic celebrity! But let us not get into the pope…at least not yet…lastly comes the idea of asceticism, the idea of self-denial, of discipline in denying simple pleasures in life. Yes, we must exercise restraint in order to become better people. More virtuous so that god will let us pass through the golden gates of Heaven. Of course, if you don’t you’ll be thrown into hell. Look, I have no problems with restraining yourself from doing something, or anything, but please…this is human society. Human nature gives us the rights to deny anything we want. Don’t make it as if this is a Holy act. Again, absolute bullshit. God is probably laughing at how stupid we are. He needs something to entertain himself, right?

Does anyone see an on-going pattern here? I can go on forever, even passed Lent and into the commemoration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ during Easter Sunday, or what I like to call…BUNNIES! Don’t know how that got stuck, or how Christians and Catholics know that Jesus’ death and resurrection happened on these specific dates. They claim the evidence is in the bible, but that’s another laughing matter, because certainly, that does not scientifically count as evidence. Anyways, the pattern here is that religion comes off as absolute bullshit many times. And it comes around over and over and over again because it is so damned stingy that it even sticks itself into political matters. The idea of separation between church and state seems to have been forgotten, Christianity, in all sorts of forms, is running rampant in our country and forcing followers to do illogical practices to assure them a spot in Heaven, and Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda is the second coming of Jesus Christ. But hey, the majority of the world’s population would scream at me that I am wrong. So what does that tell you?

P.S. So what exactly do I say when someone asks me what I'm giving up? I merely say...well, I've given up giving stuff up. Usually results in some hilarious facial expressions.

P.S.S. Thank you, Bill Maher for being one of the sane people in this world.